I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
