the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
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Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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