i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize