There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
