How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
