I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
