Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
