chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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