i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
