No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
