By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
