Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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