Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
