So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
