know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
