New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
