If that was your dad, he is hot
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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