Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
