I hate all girls vehemently.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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