Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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