The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
