Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
