Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
