Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
