is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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