oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
