He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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