I showed him my bush... on skype.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
