Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
