Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
