I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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