my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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