so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
