you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
