He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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