her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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