margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Are we still banned from the library?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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