Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
