i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
