Sponge bath it is.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
