just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
