u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I AM VODKA MAN
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
