Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
