you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
