Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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