Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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