haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
