Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
