hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
