Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
