If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
