you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
