on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.