Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night