she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
