Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dating After Heartbreak
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me