We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought