So drunk its hurt
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?