he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..