Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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