Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
