just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
