you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
