Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
