OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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