My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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