Will you blow on my dice?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
