are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
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It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
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She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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