I must be too annoying 4 u.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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