it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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