That's intense
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
