You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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