ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
