i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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