Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
