I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
They are going to name an STD after you.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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