Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
