I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
