he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
