I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
