my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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