and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
