I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He passed out mid-signature
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
