i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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