So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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