She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
