You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
