Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
