things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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